by Diana Abt
Recently, after looking back at the path of my short life, I observed what has seemed to have been a long, winding, up-and-down, emotional road; each turn stained with either sweet tears of joy or stinging tears of loss. I consider “what could possibly lie on the way ahead me?”, “How familiar or foreign will the future journey be for me?” and “Do I even want to go there?” I wonder to myself if those are “ok” questions to ask. “Is it okay to question or doubt God?” In reading the words of David, whom God called a man after His own heart, I find relief in the way he openly expressed his emotions and questions to God. In the 13th chapter of Psalms, the transparent and vulnerable spirit behind David’s words draw me to also want to identify with God with that kind of exposure. In loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, we may express how we feel before God as a part of our spirituality. David even expresses feeling forsaken by God. Have you ever felt like God has forsaken you? Have you ever told Him? As sons and daughters of God, we are invited and accepted by God to bare all of ourselves before Him. We are free to enter into His presence and not leave our emotions at the door. He won’t take offense. In fact, may it be a spiritual act of worship. Take time to write a psalm to God. You can read a recent one of mine below. Expose yourself to Him and may you find rest in His presence.
coming undone. speechless. baffled. at a loss. what do i believe? shaken. what's at the core? really? inconceivable. what? how? seriously? lost? found? centered? the blinders on race horses. please blow the whistle. could it be? what happened? what about them? can i? again? surreal. unattainable? attainable? in reach? selfish? i am silenced by your wondrous grace? what is love? question mark, question mark, question mark. pregunta. empty. vacia. conocimiento. entendiendo. Comprendes?
hmmmm. Uncertain. do you hear what i hear? what do i hear? what do i listen to? escucha. contesta. manipulation. false. Truth. what is it? music? what to do. go? GO? whenwherehowwhywhowhatif? for real? sigh. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. shhhhhhhhhhhh. quiet. still. in the secret. connect? why? are you real? are you real with me? am i? I AM. surface. deep. depths of. hole. Whole. well. soul. cavity. inverted. loooong. longing. who are u? representation. hungry. yearn. anhelo. living. water. tick. tock. this. is. it. Alive. Home.
- Diana Abt